For 2018 I chose the word ‘Alignment’ as a guidepost. I wanted to align my actions with my thoughts, my choices with my values, my body through a physical yoga practice but most of all -my days with the life that I so often dream about.
One of the things I wanted to try was a Moon Group. Not just attend one, I wanted to run one. A Moon group meets on the New or Full Moon to meditate and journal together. Everyone on Insta’s at it.
Blogging and writing in general was also on the list and in the early months of the year I did well at getting my writing on different platforms.
Then somewhere in the heat of the Summer it all went to pot. I fell apart a little bit, went under with all of the pressure I was putting on myself and also from the strain of keeping all the balls in the air. Felt like I couldn’t keep up the momentum in any area of my life let alone these ‘added extras’ so they fell by the wayside.
But before I went off the boil I put in an application form to a Yoga Teacher Training Course…
I began the course, at a pretty low ebb of self confidence and self esteem. Being absolutely cock-sure that everyone else would be ‘better’ than me, fitter than me, stronger than me and more able than I was. There was no way I was going to commit myself by saying I was going to actually teach after I did this thing, just that I was doing it for my own self enjoyment.
But HOLD THE PHONE. The most powerful transformation has happened in that little studio over the last four weeks. Slowly something has shifted out all of that negative rubbish that has been circling me for months on end and replaced it with positive, encouraging and exciting self talk. The support of the group, the self enquiry and the teaching has been impeccable and I have learned more than I ever though possible so far.
But the biggest breakthrough? A headstand. A wobby, wonky old headstand.
Before we got started I made it clear that I couldn’t do these things, I never had, not even as a kid. I was gently made aware that when we tell ourselves this and we let fear run the show then we will never let go enough to try. So with a slightly more open mind I listened as the physics of the pose were explained and demonstrated (and made to look SO easy).
Then it was our turn to pair up and have a go … I volunteered to go first and POP there I went! UP! Feet in the air, head on the floor, my world literally turned upside down. I felt ecstatic! Light as air, powerful and brave. So chuffed with myself that I had broken down such a huge fear that I couldn’t wait to have another go.
The volume of the negative chatter is literally turning down in my head and I although I am vaguely aware it it is no longer the dominant voice.
Sitting here I see how far I’ve come in aligning myself and my life this year, as I am planning the next Moon group, setting up my new Yoga business and look – writing a blog post!
I realise that changes do not happen over night, they are so long in the preparation but when they come it is like the universe is stitching together all of those disparate parts with golden thread and urging you along the way. We can all feel stuck and frustrated and in turn out of control in our own lives, but often the way out of this is by taking the tiniest baby step. Some action, any action that takes you in any direction because action is energy and energy is momentum. Inspired by one small change you begin to wonder “what else is possible?”.
Who would have thought a headstand could be the action I needed to take towards my own business? But in a round about way it was. Today I’m tackling the ‘crap -drawer’ at home – I wonder where that will lead me?!